How to end your emotional dependency
Relationships Self-Improvement

How to end your emotional dependency

When we allow our happiness to rely too much on another person, it can have some dangerous consequences for our peace of mind and wellbeing. Emotional dependence is a real challenge and a real difficulty to overcome. It takes a great deal of courage to tap into the strengths that help us get beyond our need for others, but it’s necessary in order for us to reach our true potential.

Having a certain amount of emotional dependency in our partners is normal, but when our happiness comes to rely on them, it becomes an unbalanced and unhealthy. It’s vital for our partners to offer support when it’s needed, but anything outside of that can be crippling.

Learning how stand on your own is painful, and it takes facing some uncomfortable truths and traumas that you might prefer to leave buried.Finding our presence and discovering the strength to stand on our own two feet is a beautiful thing, though, and something that’s required for finding our way to true happiness.

How to tell if you’ve got an emotional dependence problem.

Often, we mistake our feelings of obsession or dependence for feelings of love or attraction. It’s easy to lose yourself in those feelings and, if not properly identified, lose your authenticity in the process.

Dependence is not love and it never can be.

This idea starts as children, when we’re not appropriately loved by the people who mean the most to us, and it’s perpetuated over time as we jump from one loveless coupling to the next. When we miss out on this love as a child, we search for it constantly as an adult; the longing never goes away, it just stronger.

How the dependence wheels start turning.

Having such a lack of love leads to feelings of low self-esteem. This inability to value and trust ourselves creates a negative cycle of need which can feed the disorders that cause us to constantly seek security in others. It’s the result of emotional blackmail that teaches us that in order to have worth, we have to meet impossible and even deplorable expectations. Over and over again, we out ourselves in a submissive role, hoping to reduce the years of damage that’s been done.

It’s not possible to be healed by someone else, though. You have to heal that broken child that lives inside you on your own.

That starts with recognizing when you have a problem with emotional dependence and it ends with taking the steps you need to correct this dependence and increase your confidence.

Recognizing the problem.

Emotionally dependent people aren’t just insecure, they have an obsessive need to be close to and attached to other people. This kind of extreme insecurity also leads to insecurity about the future and an obsessive fear of losing love.

Dependent people have an almost-insane fear of not being good enough, which comes from their deep-rooted childhood traumas and disappointments.They also have a constant feeling of anxiety that makes it hard for them to accept the psychological and physical sufferings that come along with love and loss.

In the right environment, a dependent person can be giving, loving and compassionate to a fault, but trigger the fear and they turn into a different person entirely.

Living in this constant state of flux and fear is destructive to who we are at our core, but recognizing it takes patience. The secret to building relationships that last is not preventing the hurts of the past, it’s developing the best parts of ourselves for the future, but coming to recognize that is difficult to do.

Continue reading on Medium.

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