Why learning to love my body is the hardest thing I've ever done
Lifestyle Personal Development

Why learning to love my body is the hardest thing I’ve ever done

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been waging a war against my body. Scars and stretch marks trace it, evidence of years of violent rage meant to stretch and stress, tighten and diminish. I’ve flogged and starved every inch of my body and still I find myself hating her. Why? The answer is a little more complicated than I thought.

A few months ago, I made the commitment to love my body full-time — to incredible and surprising results.

Don’t get me wrong; going from a self-loathing wreck to a woman who is finally starting to form the image of who she is meant to be has been a long and difficult journey. It’s been one of the most worthwhile things I’ve ever done, though, and it can be for you as well.

The roots of body hatred.

Like many others, the roots of my body hatred ran deep and started early.

I became very aware of the dangers my body posed at an early age and I became very aware that it could be used as a weapon against me. I knew fear of my body before I even knew the name of all its parts, and that fear only increased over time as — over and over again — it violated me in ways that were so contrary to who I thought I was.

Fear turned to shame, turned to self-loathing and before I knew what was happening, I was doing anything I could to punish this horrendous person I saw myself as. I was obsessed with the outside. By the age of ten I was a masterful bully, by the age of fifteen I had become the judge, jury and executioner of my own flesh.

You’re so fat,” I would tell myself.

You’re so ugly,” I would quickly counter.

I fed this cycle of shame, ridicule and humiliation for decades. I made it the bread of my body. It became the focal point of my life and every waking moment was a battle for control and constant, unforgiving dominance. I ran myself ragged. I ran myself dry; but when life spilled me right into the bottom of the barrel, I was forced to stop and take an honest look at what the real issue was.


Learning the intricate art of self-acceptance.

The fact of the matter is that the root of our self-hatred comes down to self-acceptance.

Self-acceptance is hard to come by and even harder to cultivate — especially when you‘re living in a delusional state. Basically, self-acceptance is this radical idea of extending the compassion you extend to others to yourself. It’s simply accepting that you’re human and you’re going to get emotional, and you’re going to make mistakes. Accepting ourselves is the core affirmation of self. It’s embracing our flaws alongside our perfections and working hard to see the silver lining in them. It’s unconditional. It’s free from any qualification and it is absolute.

Continue reading on Medium.

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