Narcissists are toxic, but they can be dangerous too. When a narcissist is rejected or denied something that they want, you can find them slipping into a blind rage that results in poisonous and self-destructive behaviors. Rather than cowering in fear of the narcissists in our lives, we have to learn how to stand up to them and protect ourselves. That’s something that requires from us courage, however, and the knowledge that we have an equal right to peace, happiness and tranquility.
Knowing that you have a narcissist in your life isn’t enough. You have to protect yourself against them and that starts with understanding how they work. Denying or rejecting a narcissist is akin to questioning their sense of self. When this occurs, you’re destined for blow-ups, explosions and a wasteland of emotions that lead to instability and unhappiness. Overcome the attacks of the narcissists in your life and protect your right to thrive and live in peace. Let go of their nastiness and live your own life by shielding yourself in knowledge, compassion and understanding.
The narcissist wasn’t built for the word “no”.
There is no person in the world who hates the concept of “no” more than a narcissist (expect, perhaps, a toddler). When a self-obsessed person is rejected or denied something they set out to achieve, it becomes a personal attack that questions their character and calls all their previous decisions into question. Because everything in the world is about the narcissist, anything you say contrary to their delusional reality becomes a personal attack. And a personal attack is something a narcissist will not tolerate, under any circumstances.
When someone rejects a narcissist, they injure that narcissists self-esteem and worth, as well as challenging their confidence and sense of self. Denial to them is not an average or acceptable experience. It’s a questioning of their core value, and that can lead to conflict and unbridled rage.
Narcissists who are rejected or feel as though they are being questioned can fly into a narcissistic rage. This rage is both dangerous and damaging, occurring in a number of different ways (each as toxic as the last). In order to protect ourselves from the narcissistic attacks that surround us, we have to learn how to stand strong on our boundaries and what we need. In order to do this, however, we must cultivate a greater understanding of self and a greater understanding of the way we are attacked by the blindly self-obsessed.
The injuries that narcissists can’t tolerate.
Narcissistic injury refers to the various threats to selves that someone who is self-obsessed might perceive in their environment. Even if these things don’t seem offensive to you — to the narcissist, they are unforgivable sins that calls their entire character into question. Whether you criticize their decisions, or fail to praise them the way they expect…protecting yourself against narcissists means knowing what triggers their worst instincts.
Criticizing a decision or behavior
To a narcissist, their decisions are absolute. When they make a decision it should be unquestioned, and when it is…there’s trouble. Criticizing the behaviors or decisions of a narcissist can be a dangerous business, as it touches on their ideas of self and self-worth. If you question something they’ve done, it means (to them) that you’re questioning their worth as a human being and that’s something that’s unacceptable. To the narcissist, they are the best person on the planet, and you should see that without explanation.
Turning down advances
Narcissists exist in the bedroom as well as the boardroom, and it doesn’t make them any easier to deal with. The narcissist that reaches out romantically is one who is putting themselves out on a limb. When those advances are rejected, it can send them into an all-out rage, as that limb snaps beneath them and brings them stumbling back down to the reality that they’re just as average as anyone else. There’s nothing a narcissist hates more than “no” and a rejection of romantic advances is the ultimate “no”.
Failing to praise
Sometimes, it’s not what you say to the narcissist. It’s what you don’t say. Narcissists are obsessed with themselves, but beneath that they are extremely insecure. For this reason they need a substantial amount of outward validation and praise, which then allows them to fuel (and justify) their narcissistic and self-obsessive fire. When you fail to praise a narcissist in the way they feel they deserve, get ready for a battle royale. They will do anything they need to get praise they want, and that includes picking fightsfor all the wrong reasons.
Because everything in their environment touches on them personally, the narcissist easily takes simple remarks to heart and turns them into major conflicts. If you make a statement that alludes to the fact that they may not be at their best, or they may not be the best, the narcissist can take it as a personal attack on their character. What was nothing more than a casual statement then becomes a major conflict. Simple remarks become major blowups with narcissists, because everything touches on their personhood.
Calling them out
There is no rejection (and recognition) that the narcissist hates more than being called out for their behavior and otherwise identified for who and what they are. When a narcissist is outed, it brings them right back to all those old rejections and traumas of childhood. Cornered and confronted with the worst part of themselves (or a part they considered well hidden and controlled) they can react like cornered animals; lashing out in ways that can be both shocking and dangerous.
Narcissistic rage unleashed.
Narcissistic rage is the response that occurs when a narcissist feels as though their sense of self is being questioned in some way. This rage can be both explosive and passive-aggressive, but however it occurs it’s toxic. Protecting ourselves from these attacks requires knowledge, and that means identifying the methods the narcissists in our lives use to get even…