Our partners can form a critical cornerstone of our lives, but sometimes the relationships with them can become more of a burden than we can bear. Sometimes, it’s necessary to end our romantic relationships so that we can find our way back to some sense of peace and happiness in this seemingly endless and chaotic game that is life. Whether we like to admit it — or not — breakups are a necessary part of life sometimes, though that doesn’t make them any easier to bear.
Partnerships that drain us and make us miserable are not normal. A romance in which one person has all the power and the other has none is not a romance at all. Healthy relationships are all about give and take, and we can feel when they’re right and when they are not. We all deserve partners who love us, respect us and give us the things we need.Sometimes, however, that requires taking a stand and creating the space that’s needed for the right person to come in.
Our relationships are a part of who we are.
Despite what made-for-tv-movies have led us to believe, not all relationships are meant to last forever. This does not mean, however, that our relationships are not an important part of who we are. They make a massive difference to both our self-confidence and our outward relations.Our relationships shape our perspective of the world and our place in it, but they can also leave us shattered, unhappy and looking for a way out.
Our relationships have a profound impact on our beliefs and the way we see ourselves in the world around us. Through our relationships, we learn how to better connect with people, and we learn how to be vulnerable; opening up in new and special ways that can make it hard to stomach the rejection that inherently comes along with a break up.
A breakup is an undoing. No matter how strong or independent we might perceive ourselves (or our partners) to be within that relationship, the loss of it is still a major shift that sends ripples of devastation throughout our entire existence. Every corner of our lives and self is touched by the ending of our romantic relationships, but there are always concrete signs that it’s the right choice to make for our longterm peace of mind.
Why we’re so scared to let bad relationships go.
We don’t just wake up one day and decide to stay in a bad relationship. It’s a process that happens slowly, and it’s one that’s impacted by a number of factors (not least of which can be our history of childhood trauma). Part of cultivating the courage we need to end things is understanding why we’re so afraid to end them in the first place.
Imbalances of power
When we experience an imbalance of power in our relationships, it can be hard to gather the courage we need to free ourselves from a bad relationship. Going far beyond simply telling the other person what to do, power can be exerted in a relationship in a number of ways. One common means of consolidating power is the restriction of finances — something which forces one party in the relationship to become physically and emotionally reliant on the other person when it comes to any decision.
Broken delusional perspectives are a common reason we find ourselves sticking around in relationships that are toxic, dead or unhealthy. Failing to see things for what they are, or investing in delusional ideas and beliefs can cause you to become so fearful that you cannot imagine a life without yuor partner (no matter how unhappy you might be). One such delusional or skewed perspective is that of age, or believing it’s too late to move on and be happy.
Society plays a major role in defining us, and it plays a major role in defining our relationships too. The pressure of society is all around us, and it can make it hard to summon the courage we need to do what’s right for ourselves. This kind of pressure might tell us that breaking up is shameful, or it might lead us to believe that it’s an unacceptable road to take. Both instances are untrue, but that means little when you’re being crushed beneath the weight of society’s expectations.
Shame and guilt
Erroneous feelings of shame and guilt are one of the biggest reasons we so often fail to exit relationships that are no longer for us. Ending a partnership can feel like a failure, and those feelings of failure can be impacted by the half-informed reactions of friends or family who don’t have the full picture. In order to move past these emotions, we have to understand that there is nothing wrong with ending a relationship. Our lives have finite space in them. If we want the right people to come in, we have to move the wrong people out; and understand that we have a sovereign right to do so.
Fear of being alone
When you’re more scared of being alone than you are of living in a bad relationship, it can lead to years of misery and a failure to do what needs to be done. Some of us feel like we’re defined by our relationships, and along those lines we don’t know who we are outside of them. More than a fear of being alone, it’s a fear of being alone with yourself — something completely different and much, much trickier to solve.
Low on yourself? Think that you aren’t worthy of having a happy life? Or that romantic, whirlwind relationship? Depleted self-esteem will tell you a lot of things, and chief among those is that you aren’t good enough to get the things you want and need. When you spend all your time beating yourself up on the inside, you allow for other people to beat you up on the outside (physically and emotionally), and you eventually stop sticking up for yourself and the things you want from this life…like a better partner…