When we fall for others, we tend to fall hard and fast, but this falling rarely leaves us prepared to deal with potential rejection. The hard truth of the matter is that the people we love don’t always love us back, and when that’s the case — we have to learn how to confront our emotions and move on the right way.
This process begins by cultivating the understanding we need to look past the “no” to the silver lining underneath. When someone doesn’t feel the same way, it’s rarely the ending of anything meant to be. Rather, it’s a new opportunity to find someone better aligned with our needs, personalities, and values. We can come to this understanding by shifting our perspective and the way we see rejection and the loss of those who were never meant to be.
Love doesn’t always happen like we want it to.
Falling for someone requires us to suspend a lot of reality. We look past their flaws, and we look past any difficulties as we pursue the person who has piqued our interest. This suspension of reality can go too far, however, as we look to the future excitedly — imagining what things might look like beside this someone new. We get so excited and “lost in the sauce” that we rarely stop to ask ourselves what happens if they don’t want the same thing.
The brutal truth is that love and relationships don’t always play out like we want them to. Falling for someone is no guarantee that they will fall back, and there’s no amount of coercion or sweet-talking that can change that. When we find ourselves confronted with someone who doesn’t want us back, we have to learn how to respond with dignity, self-respect, and a sense of poise.
The denial of one person is not a guaranteed denial of the next. There are billions of people on this planet, yet we tear our lives apart when the single person we fall for doesn’t love us back. By shifting our perspective, we can take the sting out of these rejections and find a better way to deal with the denial. When someone doesn’t return your affection, it’s in no way a reflection on your value, personality, or character. It’s simply a mismatching; nothing more and nothing less. It’s a closed door that opens an entirely new vista of possibility.
The hard-to-deny signs they don’t feel the same.
Once we’ve really fallen for someone, we traditionally indicate these feelings through a number of telling signs. The same can be said for the opposite circumstance. When someone isn’t feeling the same way, there are a number of red flags you can look out for.
Distance is an important indicator when it comes to the state of our relationships (or potential relationships). This distance occurs when we find ourselves growing away, or being pushed away from someone we care about. Often, this distance begins with avoidance. They may avoid talking to you, or being in your physical presence. Distance is all about creating physical and emotional space; which is something we shouldn’t be looking for when we’re building lives together?
Conversation too can be an important indicator when it comes to our love interests. Do you find that once-flowing conversation is beginning to dry up, or get stale? Are you and the other person speaking less and less? And when you do is it superficial, or brief? These are all important warning signs of someone who is trying not to get too close. Communication is key in helping us better understand and connect with one another. If they don’t want to talk to you, they don’t want to connect with you. Someone who doesn’t want to connect can’t possibly feel the same way.
Looking for change
We often think having a partner who wants to “make us better” is a good thing, but it isn’t. When they’re always looking to change who you are, criticizing you, or otherwise encouraging you to be someone different than you are — it’s a red flag. This can be a sign that the other person has a very specific view of their future, which they are trying to mold you to fit. Often, this can be an early warning sign of control issues, but it can also indicate something more. Someone who wants a relationship (as an accessory) more than they want to build a life with another living, breathing human being.
Our intuition can be a powerful ally when it comes to finding the right partner, but too often we bury it in the backseat as we plow ahead with our rose-tinted vision. You have to listen to your gut feelings when it comes to the people you’re falling for. What is your intuition telling you? Do you get a (bad) funny feeling when you’re around them? Do their excuses make you feel uncomfortable, or on edge? This is your subconscious attempting to wake you up to something your subconscious doesn’t want to see…