Unrequited love is a painful, strange, one-sided affair that can make us feel vulnerable in a number of ways. Loving someone that doesn’t love you back is agonizing and it leaves you stuck with torturous emotions that are hard to overcome.
Sometimes, Cupid gets involved where he shouldn’t, but the trick is learning how to spot the signs and know when things have crossed the line. Unrequited love might seem like an impossible obstacle to overcome, but it can be conquered with a little understanding and acceptance of things as they are.
The roots of unrequited love.
Unrequited love occurs when you have strong romantic feelings for someone that does not return those feelings. It’s a one-sided experience that leaves us suffering with pain, grief and shame and it has plagued lovers through the ages.
Love unreturned stems from a lot of places, including our past experiences and childhood traumas — but it (almost) always stems from a warped sense of self and low self-esteem. Chances are, if you’re looking for love in people that don’t love you back, you’re self-sabotaging for one of the following reasons.
You’re chained to your past.
More often than not, our hang-up’s about love are rooted in the past. These past experiences can include painful situations involving your caretakers or even disappointing experiences that involved friends you trusted or people that you were close to.
This fear of the past often reflects the negative impact of sexual or emotional abuse. When we are beat down or violated by people that we trust — the people we believe we love — it skews our definition of love. Broken definition to hand, we start chasing after love in all the wrong places; repeating the pattern of heartbreak and longing that becomes familiar to us.
If you’re pining over someone that doesn’t love you back, ask yourself: Is this behavior that has occurred before? Have you seen this behavior modelled in someone close to you? The answer might surprise you.
You’re seeing things as you wish they were (rather than how they are).
Projection is a term that’s tossed about a lot in psychology and one of the best ways to explain why we love people that we shouldn’t.
One of the most common causes of unrequited love is an insistence on seeing things as you wish they were, rather than seeing them for how they actually are.
We continue to chase the wrong people because that seems less painful to us than accepting the truth — they are not in love with us.
Facing reality is tough and it can undermine our sense of personal omnipotence. The world isn’t a fair place, however, and things don’t always have a happy ending. The sooner you learn to see people for who they are, rather than who you wished they were, the sooner you’ll be able to find your way back to happiness.
We live in a world where selling out comes cheap. Rise above it by refusing to compromise yourself. by: E.B. Johnson It can be tempting to compromise ourselves, especially when we’re offered the reward of love or opportunity in return.